almost 12 hours. no contact. proud of myself. i think.
you know how sometimes people you seem to care the most are the very ones that you hate the most?
i guess it comes with the understanding that these people are the very ones that you surrender your vulnerable self and yet they seem to ignore the sacrifices you make.
for instance, I find ways to let him know MY whats, whens and wheres.. and all he does is wait till im at the peak of my patience and give back some time.
kailinit kay sang wala kami choice, I understood the miscommunications and delay.. but subong na ara na tana na means and choices to make, he still acts like wala siya choice.
damn it!
After three years in UP, I finally able to watch the renowned HASA by the Validus Amicitia Brotherhood.. I had so much fun although a lot of people were telling that this was one of the lamest HASA they have ever went to. I guess they are just so sore about losing. Here are a few pics from the event..
Momentarily, I’m on the verge of throwing this laptop and scream at the top of my lungs.
I failed.. again. This time I have incurred a greater deficit in my BA 114 examinations.
Flashback mode.
First time I have ever considered the word failure in my system was when I failed the pisay entrance examination back when I was 12 years old. I was boastful.. confident and believed I could take it all the way, having passed the first screening with scores comparably higher than most of my classmates. Much to my eagerness and foolishness, I failed. It was the first time I cursed myself for being the most stupid in the family. I cried and refused to eat for days. I shied away from family reunions and neglected everything else around me for a very long time. Even until I was in highschool in my all-girls institution, I still felt I was a failure. I failed pisay when my elder brother and eventually younger sister passed it.
From that day I received the letter, I vowed I would never disappoint or let down my family and most of all myself again. I worked hard and even harder than what my family is accustomed to see me doing. I settled in the Honor’s List upon graduation and got into a renowned university and into a course I believed I was going to build my future in no time.
But here I am, at the verge of permanently being taken away from my dreams once more.. At the verge of failing my parents and myself once more..
After the first BA114 test, I failed and I said, “Ok, may second long pa naman.” So I worked hard to cover my deficits but apparently not hard enough. I failed again… and this time even widened the gap between my dreams and myself.
That is why, I need to organize my thoughts now.. I need to write this down…. I need to let this to go.
From this point onwards, I would not take anything for granted. Every second is precious and every action counts. NO MALLING, NO TEXTING, NO FANCY SHOPPING, NO MANANA HABIT. NO SLEEP-CONTENTED NIGHTS, not until I have surpass this.
Just been in kalibo for 5 hours and boy it’s still so surreal. everything seems to be unfamiliar. It’s like I’m stepping into my hometown for the first time. Everywhere, you can still see the trail that Frank has chose to pass through. From my dismantled car to the dusty road to the heaps of dry earth shaping the roads to my Lola’s slowly-fading photographs. I feel really bad for my Dad and my Lola the most. My dad has to put up with so many things and so many people at once. My lola’s precious collection of my Lolo’s poems, books, photogtaphs, love letters.. all gone.. in just one day.
Hai..
been busy lately.. Even though Im so exhausted by all this work, I can’t help but laugh it off. Sometimes I cry, but most of the time, I laugh it off. WOOOOHH! Shoot me, will you?
Anyway, so many things happened and that I yet have to blog but for now, I’d like to share with you my baby.. my precious baby. *sob*
Need to change that summer header. >:z
This has probably been the worst typhoon to have evr hit Western Visayas let alone Iloilo since everyone could remember. Typhoon Frank.. why does it have an English name in the first place? I’d like to know wh named this memorable disaster and I’d give him/her a Tagalog Name book the next time he/she’d like to name one.
Day 1- Friday- June 20
It was like any other drizzling/cloudy day for the folks here in Iloilo, nothing peculiar to let people know something would hit us in just a few hours. I even went along with my normal telebabad sessions with my friends and ended up emptying the batteries of my mobile phones that night. At around 10:30, I slept amidst the rather heavy but not new to us kind of rain.
Day 2 – Saturday – June 21
I woke up around 5:30 in the morning. Hmm. Still raining. I grasp around for my phone and instinctively checked for new messages. Hmm.. No batteries. I went to the bathroom, turned on the lights, peed, turned off the lights and made my way to recharge my phones.What? How come it’s not charging? Then, it hit me. Brownout? Needless to say, I was pissed. Went back to sleep and woke up by an hour and a half later. I immediately thought, hey, may general assembly ang JPIA subong gali noh? I need to haul my ass off this bed and get ready for knocking the socks off the other Houses with Ricchiute’s comeback kapow! so dressed up and went to school despite the heavy pouring. Afterall, heavy rains are not unusual in this country.Got there and oops, JPIA GA cancelled. went back home. Bombo Radio was booming over our little house. Still raining.. and rained.. and even the wind was howling now more than ever. Then right then I realized that this was not the ususal typhoon we have here, well at least here in the Western Visayas. We still had no electricity. I slept and woke up for lunch with still no electricity. The wind has unchanged since then and the pouring seemed unstoppable. By late afternoon, we, Col Dado, Miko and I went out to eat at the nearest Jollibee for lack of things to do but only to find out we had been so ignorant in our little house to be prepared for the worst out in the streets. By the time we reached Jollibee, well, we never reached it because the water was already consuming a third of the first floor of the building. cars were floating nearby and people scrambled everywhere- some were terrified, others were plain instrusive and curious. But I was aghast when I saw a truck which carried a family to safety. I thought they only existed in National Geographics’ cover but I was so crushed when I saw what looked like an 80 year old lolo carrying a new born baby. My God, they were soaking wet with not just rain water but what appeared to be mud. Did the river just overflowed or were the mountains crumbling upon us? That night, I was still unsure what I was doing inside the house when hundreds of my fellowmen were out in the rain either crying or rescuing. I called up Mariz through our phone, which happened to be the only mode of communication still ready for use and asked her what we should do about this calamity. I was relieved to know she and her family were focusing on relief operations already. After a few calls to other friends, the line went out. There we were- no electricity, no water, little food, no connection anywhere else and stranded. Still raining. It proved to be difficult to sleep now not only because the death count Bombo Radio was irreterating over our battery powered radio and I could not only here the heavy rain and the wind howling, they were now carrying voices that I prayed would be heard from above.
Day 3 – Sunday – June 22
It was Ralph’s birthday. Monie was back home and my brother off somewhere else. The deprivation from all the things I was accustomed to was getting to me. I would sing out loud or dance like a monkey around everyone and my mind was racing to do something.. to ACT. Good thing Monie was there and I had someone I could play and talk with to pull me back to sanity. It was sunny by then but somehow the sunshine was blocked out of my head by all the people I know needed someone to help them out this time of crisis. All I rememered that day was that I was studying Law on Obligations and Contracts in the dark with a lit candle and slept. No rain now but still it felt bad. I heard nothing from Kalibo and was beginning to worry. Bombo Radio still on. Death Count to 60+ now.
Day 4 – Monday – June 23
I was determined to go out now and recharge my phones so I could talk with everyone else. Fortunately Col Dado’s phone still had a bar of battery left so I got my phone working and received a text message from Mariz. Please wear BLUE later? I asked her and myself: Do we classes now? She replied, we have an outreach later on the afternoon and boy was that the best I heard for the past few days. I went to school and found Mariz and Dave preparing for the said activity. Amidst the crisis, I was very touched to know that many donated money and clothing to evacuees that were flooding everywhere the city. I got to recharged my phones.We prepared rice and bihon and water for evacuees at the Jaro Convent Evacuation Center. We had a lot of problems along the way but we did what we set out to do and made a few families sleep with full stomachs and a litttle less to worry about. Dad had contacted me that night and told me Kalibo was severely hit. No relief operations were coming their way and they have no water, electricity too. I slept still worried and bothered.
Day 5 – Tuesday – June 24
Still no electricity. Death count upto almost a 100 now. I went to school and got a message from Mariz about going to Mikay’s house to help them. And I had the experience that would change me forever. Seriously, it was then I realized how a flood could wipe you out of everything you hold dearly in just a few minutes. I saw heaps of books all covered in mud and appliances floating outside their house. Dave, Mariz and I went out the muddy pool of water inside their house and helped the whole family cleaned it. Yvette arrived in the afternoon and and helped too. At 4 in the afternoon, Ng Bam2 texted us that Procter and Gamble together with the Alumni was going to donate 20K for relief operations here in Iloilo and the CMSC was the one to make it possible. We had an emergency meeting. It was this day that I started to feel different about somebody. Before I slept that night, my Dad was texting me on how our house, though built on high ground, was managed to be filled with a foot-high muddy water, our commissary flooded and stores wet with muddy water. It seemed surreal but it happened. I cried myself to sleep.
Day 6 – Wednesday – June 25
Very busy day. I had nothing to take me to school since Monie was due back in Miagao and Leganes Hi-way jeepeneys were full. It took me 15 minutes to find a jeepney that had a vacant seat. Met Dan that day and sad to find out their house was filled with muddy water too. Good thing they had a second floor. People were pouring in to help and we managed to prepare 125 packs of rice and sardines. The gallons of water would come by tomorrow. I still fell different about someone but now I was starting to feel different about another. Electricity and water were back here but still not in Kalibo.
Day 7 – Thursday – June 26
It was Ginto’s Birthday. First day back to school and I was scrambling with my BA 114 book for a chapter end quiz that day only to find out it was cancelled. The calamity seemed like a thing of the past but it ceased to be as friends were telling accounts of how each dealt with Frank. Some were almost into tears but some desperately tried to laugh it off. I still feel different over two people. After my my morning class, we went to Mariz and tried to act like before, before everything that was cruel happened. We missed bonding with each other and missed laughing over petty stuff. We went back to school late in the afternoon for our night class in Law and I was called to recite for my Graded recitation. The night studying with a lit candle proved to make wonders as I aced everything he said, well almost everything as I made a mistake and I promised myself I would proved to be correct later on this semester. .Surprisingly, it was the first time everybody laugh in this serious class. You just have to look at the brighter side of things =). Kalibo still fading into the background. I was starting to be really annoyed by the fact that every media outlet were only into Iloilo. The televisions were all about Ilolilo! Antique and Kalibo was hit the most! I was so frustrated by the lack of efforts of the media to report things at my hometown.
Day 8 – Friday – June 27
I went to school all confident and ready for anything as I made my assignments and studied for everything the night before. During BA 114, tables and chairs seem to be disappearing as I yet again have to be stuck with an arm chair. This made me laugh more than frustrated. hehe. Still feel different about this two people more than ever. No classes in the afternoon and I went home early today very lonely for no apparent reason and slept. I woke up for dinner still depressed and now bored. It’s raining now. I’m going to recharge my phone in a few minutes.
Well, I guess that’s all of it. Cyndi, signing out.
Just got home from my first ever international concert and guess who performed? out of all the people in the world, it just had to be AIR SUPPLY. My gosh, I never would have thought that I would go to this crap of a band but I soon found out what I was going to miss out if I had went on with my pig-headedness.
It turned out to be really fun despite the monstrosity of the crowd that engulfed the front area of the audience area. First a lot of people were pissed off by the lack of efforts constituted by the organizers regarding this matter but soon, we just had to accept that it was part of the concert. Afterall, it was a rock band of the 90s and it had to be a rock concert too.
It was so much fun especially that of the parts were I couldn’t stop myself from singing those melodic songs I loved when I was young. The back of my mind was screaming: “Jologs mo Cyndi!” but I was so hooked up with the songs that I just had to sing. Oh well. =) ….I’m all out of love, I’m so lost without you..
The band gave an encore performance and they were really awesome and cool as showmen! Grabe! I had SO SO much fun! FIREWORKS RULE! Yikes, I’m so high and jologs and grateful!
Thanks Mariz, Ahia ni Mariz, Nong Bello, Mikay for making my international concert debut a blast!
Two less lonely people in the world, and it’s gonna be fine.. out of all the people in the world, I just can’t believe your mine.. =)
